My name is Joyce, and I’m a 68-year-old retired widow. This September, my son invited me to join his family on a 10-day trip to Italy. At first, I felt nothing but happiness and excitement.
I thought it would be a chance to make memories together, enjoy somewhere new, and feel part of their lives again. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that my daughter-in-law had something very different in mind. She expected me to stay at the hotel the entire time and babysit their three young children—ages 7, 5, and 2.
I told her, “I’m not a walking daycare! I want to be a tourist and explore, not get stuck in a hotel room.”
She shot back immediately: “Then don’t come! I’ll hire a nanny instead!”
That night, I quietly made a different plan.
Without telling a soul, I booked myself a seat on the same flight and reserved my own room at the same hotel. I wasn’t trying to be dramatic—I just wanted to teach them a simple lesson: I don’t depend on them. Even on a limited budget, I can take myself on vacation, and I don’t owe anyone my time or labor.
When I later revealed that I was still going and covering all my own expenses, my daughter-in-law froze. My son quickly stepped in and tried to charm me into agreeing to watch the kids, insisting that “as a grandma, it was expected of me.”
I didn’t argue. I didn’t raise my voice.
I simply said nothing and walked away. Now, I fully intend to go on this trip, enjoy Italy on my own terms, and keep a respectful distance from them. I don’t want drama—I just want peace.
And I want to show, mostly to myself, that I’m not only a grandmother, but a whole person with her own right to rest, joy, and adventure. So I’m asking:
Would I be wrong to treat them as strangers on this trip? And am I a bad grandmother for putting my own comfort and leisure first?
